Occasionally, eyes meet across the room and the rest is history. For most of us, however, falling in love is more complicated. Sometimes, the person who wants to be loved is unconsciously getting in their own way.
“In order to find love, we must first be able to give love, and we must have this love to give within ourselves. When you feel lovable you project that out and other people notice,” Palmer says. “In searching for a lover, the person who doesn’t feel worthy of love can’t present themselves as lovable.” This lack of confidence translates into neediness, which repels potential love-interests like bug spray. “The more the lonely person seeks love, the more it eludes them. The needier they appear, the less chance there is for someone to enter their life to fulfill those needs,” she adds, noting that it’s critical to “love yourself without being dependent on other people’s opinions.”